I was 19 weeks into pregnancy. I woke up in the middle of the night in a puddle of water. I went to the hospital — by myself, since my husband had to stay home with our 19 month old toddler. A nurse did an ultrasound and found the baby’s heartbeat.
My water broke, and it was all gone — preterm premature rupture of membranes. There was nothing they could do to save my baby. I had three options: wait for labor to begin (risking infection and death), induce labor (which also comes with risks on top of additional risks posed by my medical history), or have a D&C (the least risky).
I couldn’t bear to deliver a baby only to watch it suffocate to death because its lungs weren’t developed. I don’t know that my mental health could survive L&D without a baby to take home. I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening during an induction and leaving my living child and husband without a mother and wife.
I chose the D&C, and to this day, the only regret I have is that I was forced into having to make that decision.